It’s okay to be at a loss for words when a friend or a family member has been diagnosed with cancer. Here are a few tips to help when you are not sure what to say or do.

 

  1. Be honest and acknowledge that you don’t know what to say. It is acceptable to say, “I’m at a loss for words,” or, “This must be hard for you.” However, you don’t have to say anything. People feel uncomfortable with silence and think that they must comfort with words. While this is understandable, ill-thought-out words can be more harmful than silence. It is better to offer a quiet, reassuring presence and silent emotional support when words have the potential to hurt.
  2. Avoid saying, “I understand what you’re going through, ” because you do not. Every diagnosis is different, even if you have personally experienced a cancer diagnosis. Each person with cancer will face different challenges and emotions. For one it may be the fear of not seeing young children reach adulthood. For another, it may be regret over goals not accomplished. Whatever the emotion, don’t undermine, invalidate, or lessen the cancer patient’s feelings by making it about you.
  3. Don’t disclose personal information. Because of social media, well-meaning friends and family can accidentally show or say too much. Photos posted from a hospital room or clinic can reveal private information. If the patient hasn’t asked you to share information, then don’t.
  4. Give patients and their family space to deal with a new diagnosis. Limit visits and phone calls to hospitalized patients. Excuse yourself when physicians or nurses enter to provide privacy. Once home, patients and their families need a break from the busyness of a new diagnosis. Instead of visiting, drop a gift card in the mailbox for a meal, offer to drive to appointments, or assist with errands and household chores.
  5. Don’t overwhelm patients with stories that you have heard or read on the internet. There is a lot of information available about cancer. Unfortunately, some of it is wrong, unproven or misleading. Help the patient to work with cancer providers to find reputable sources of information.

 

For more helpful information, go to www.drkatisha.com or check out my book, “Journey: A Simple Roadmap for Newly Diagnosed Cancer Patients and Their Families.”

Follow me on Facebook @DrKatisha.